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Andy Pipkin
Andy Pipkin is a 25 year old man who is incredibly lazy, so lazy infact, that he pretends to his friend, Lou Todd, that he is disabled and so Lou spends his whole life pushing Andy around in his unnessescary wheelchair. As well as this, he asks Lou to buy him things and to take him to places. In return Andy does nothing for Lou does nothing, infact, he once even set up Anya so Lou would dump her. Appearance Andy is usually seen wearing a grey top, usually a vest and brown trousers. Behaviour Requests *To go to the expensive Royal Opera House for his birthday. Once there, he shouts "I don't like it!" once the performance starts. *To wear a Smurf costume to dinner at a "nice restaurant" (Lou's words). In the sketch, the restaurant appears to be a Chinese one. Once there, wearing a smurf hat and painted completely blue, Andy declares that he "Looks a pillock", and asks the waiter for a packet of crisps. *To have an empty ice cream cone, without any ice cream in it ("What, no Whippy?", "No, Just a cone"). Soon after his request is granted he announces that he does want ice cream after all, by saying "I want a whippy!" *To see Pride and Prejudice instead of the simpler forms of entertainments such as action movies he usually prefers. *To specifically not go to the toilet before getting into Lou's van, (a rusty white E-reg Ford Escort van) after he drank four pints of beer in a bar. He needs to go to the toilet as soon as he is in the van. *To have a snake for a pet, instead of the rabbit Lou thought he wanted. When Lou purchases said snake, Andy says "I want a rabbit!" (Andy called the snake thumper) *To take three books out of the library, two identical ones about Chinese history, and one about Chinese language and its origins. He later voids his original, somewhat spurious declaration once out of the library by stating that he "can't read". This would make him illiterate, although he has been seen reading a pornographic magazine in Series 3 and an extract from the Bible in series 2. *To buy a card with the text "With deepest sympathy..." for his brother Declan's birthday instead of the more usual birthday card. Leaving the shop with the card, Andy says "It's his birthday! He's not dead!" and throws the card away. *To go on holiday in Helsinki, Finland ("I wanna go to Helsinki"). despite Lou's collection of colourful brochures, suggestions for other more preferable destinations and Andy's previous statement of not liking Finland. We then see the plane taking off with the voice over, "I wanna go to Florida". *To have his room painted red from top to bottom, instead of the blue Lou thought he preferred. (Although once Lou had painted it red he asked for it to be painted blue instead) *To have a new wheelchair, which he promptly rejects when Lou brings it home by toppling it over. *To have all his old items, such as books and board games, that he does not use anymore, put on a bonfire and burned up. Of course, once the fire is properly burning, Andy says "I want me stuff back". *To go to the church dressed up as a baby Jesus, including crib. Once there, Andy is apparently scheduled to do a reading. He pauses after a few sentences, saying "I look a pillock". *To go to France, although he previously requested to go to Chessington World of Adventures. Once in France (this section was adjacent to the Eiffel Tower), he then declares that he "Wanna go Chessington". *To go on a boat trip on the river Thames, After which he utters "This is boring". he is then seen to be waterskiing behind the boat. *To have a breast enlargement operation ("Summin' to play with"). On exiting the hospital, he says "I look a pillock". *To have George Michael as a guest at his birthday party (when George arrives, Andy declares "Don't like him. Prefer Tony Hadley.") *To have lots of boiled rice, pilau rice, lemon rice, and coconut rice from the Indian takeaway. As soon as Lou puts all the rice on the plate Andy says "I don't like rice".(Series 3 Deleted Scene) *To have a tattoo on his face. Once the tattooist is finished Andy says "I regret it deeply".(Series 3 Deleted Scene) Opinions These opinions are usually voiced by Lou as if Andy had said them previously. The amusement comes when the statement is usually very profound and intellectual (which the viewer would not expect someone of Andy's intelligence to give) in an eloquent style, in contrast to his normal, ungrammatical speech. In later series, his opinions became outrageously complex, and apparently, Andy resents Lou 'paraphrasing him', although it's most likely that Lou makes up Andy's opinions on the spot when required. (Series 3 deleted scenes). * He likes the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Michael Ball, so the two would be an excellent combination. * Dark chocolate has a bitter edge to it and lacks the oral ecstasy of its milkier cousin. * Red is the colour of blood and henceforth death. * He is afraid of snakes. He says that all the serpents had an aura of evil. * Finland has a maudlin quality to it, rendering it unsuitable as a holiday destination. * Violence is the last bastion of moral cowardice. * The natural world has a sublime beauty, unrivalled by anything man-made. * Torvill and Dean's Barnum routine aside, ice skating is aesthetically bankrupt. * The French can never be forgiven for surrendering to the German war machine and collaborating with their occupiers to set up the Vichy government. * The Sea is a dark and brutal force which has dragged many an innocent to a watery grave. * (talking about George Michael) Jesus To A Child aside, Andy finds his output emotionally vapid. * The underwater world has a sublime beauty which man kind or its species could scarcely comprehend. * The only way to see London is via its ancient waterway, which is like a pulsating artery through the heart of this historic city. * Cosmetic enhancement was symptomatic of a sick society which worships a cult of youth and beauty, and anyone seeking the quick fix of physical change was left morally wanting. * (talking about Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds) Alexandre Dumas' classic characters and their canine counterparts were decidedly lacklustre. * The Herby Town Rugby Club were strong on power, but lacked the delicate agility and finesse to ultimately fulfill their potential. (After Lou reminds him of this, he replies "Yeah, they're crap.") *He hates McFly despite Lou reminding him that they came and visited him when he was in hospital with a broken thumb. *He thinks that society is a complex web of inter reliant structures, requiring universal acceptance and co-operative values. He went on to say that this raises the level of social capital, ultimately enhancing everybody's lives (Series 3 Deleted Scene). *Tattoos are a debasement of the human body, and were nothing more than graffiti over God's handiwork (Series 3 Deleted Scene). *He's not fond of Raphael's religious paintings, despite Lou reminding him that although he admired his Roman period of secular portraiture, it was his work in the early 1500s - while displaying an occasional sentimental naivety - that represented the apotheosis of his artistic achievements (Series 3 Deleted Scene). Activity out of his wheelchair * He's taken a dive into a swimming pool, and swum a whole lap. * Used the toilet standing up by himself. * Ejected a Pride and Prejudice video out of a VCR and inserted a Monster Trucks video. * Taken a box of chocolates down from a high shelf, out of reach of the wheelchair. * Stood up and stretched while Lou asks to see if he has to carry Andy up another floor. * Pulled his trousers up by himself. * Got out of the new wheelchair Lou bought him, tipped it over and got back into his old one. * Run out of a supermarket, with two tins down his trousers and a security guard chasing him. * Taken part in Bruce's The Price is Right (he ran cheering down the audience stairs). * Got up to assault a group of yobs taunting him. * Tipped his wheel chair over and lay on the ground to set up Lou's girlfriend as having pushed him. * Climbed a tree trying to retrieve his football. He then states, when asked by Lou why he is on a tree, "I fell." * Taken off on horseback when Lou asks the horse's rider for directions. * Run down the beach and went skinny-dipping in the sea while Lou's back is turned. * Gone ice skating. * Climbed power lines to retrieve a Frisbee and getting electrocuted, returning to his wheelchair black and smoking. When he says "yeah I know" after getting the frisbee, his voice turns raspy due to the electricity. * Tipped over a car blocking in their van in a car park. * Run down the bowling alley to hit a strike up close. * Pushed a date he doesn't like (because she is in a wheelchair) down some steps. * Pole-vaulted then proceeded to do a backflip. * Climbed into a shark-filled aquarium and gone skin-diving. * Parachuted from a plane directly into his wheelchair. * Water-skied on a Thames cruise boat. * Stolen a police officer's motorbike. * Got up and laid down in wet concrete that Lou was working on (he blames the footprints and Andy shaped impression on a bird, which Lou believes). * Stolen the ball during a rugby match and scored. * Pushed his temporary carer off a cliff. * Pushed the button which turned the engines off in a plane which crashes and kills everyone on board except Lou and Andy who are the only survivors (Little Britain Abroad, Episode 1) * When stranded on a "desert island" with Lou, found a nearby hotel where, among other things, he helped himself to food from the buffet table, participated in a limbo competition, played tennis and took scuba diving lessons. (Little Britain Abroad, Episode 2) Intelligence Although Andy appears fairly stupid in the series, he often says very intellectual things. *After getting a tattoo, Andy says "I regret it deeply" (instead of his usual "don't like it") *On two occasions when Lou has reminded Andy of something intelligent he has said offscreen, Andy replied "Stop repeatin' everything I say!" or "Stop paraphrasin' me!" *The French can never be forgiven for surrendering to the German war machine and collaborating with their occupiers to set up the Vichy government. *He's not fond of Raphael's religious paintings, despite Lou reminding him that although he admired his Roman period of secular portraiture, it was his work in the early 1500s - while displaying an occasional sentimental naivety - that represented the apotheosis of his artistic achievements *He thinks that society is a complex web of inter reliant structures, requiring universal acceptance and co-operative values. He went on to say that this raises the level of social capital, ultimately enhancing everybody's lives *"The only way to see London is via its ancient waterway, which is like a pulsating artery through the heart of this historic city" Rude Behaviour *Stolen an ice cream from a child when Lou is talking to the child's mother. *Trying to steal a woman's handbag. *Wiping his hands on a woman's legs after sneezing in them. *Letting Lou park his car into another car by just repeating "Fine!" even when Lou has already hit the other car. *Insisting on playing the picture game "You Say We Pay" on the TV show Richard & Judy after Lou finally manages to get through the phone queue. He then ignores the hosts' instructions by literally naming the items shown when the aim of the game is to describe the item shown behind the hosts (who are facing the camera). If they correctly guess what you are describing you get £1000. Most people win around £6000. The hosts of the game show then state that he is the only player not to have won anything on the show. He then continues to name things during a commercial break. *Shouting "Faster! Faster!" when Lou is doing 80mph, causing them to be stopped by the police, then stealing the policeman's motorbike and riding off. *Grabbing a woman's breast while she is talking to Lou *Looking up a woman's skirt while Lou asks her for directions. *Stolen food from the churches Harvest hamper while everyone is praying (Series 3 Deleted Scene). Catchphrases *"Yeah I know," *"Don't like it" *"I want that one" *"I look a pillock" *"Stop repeatin' evryfin' I see!" (by 'see' he means 'say') See Also *Lou Todd Category:Characters